| | I'm writing in here because I figure only a few people read this vs. the many more who might read the note if I posted it on fb, and I'm not really up for "sympathies". So, what exactly am I writing about?
Well--this week, a bunch of my friends from HS have been posting pictures from their senior year band banquet, prom, and all the end of the year activities. I couldn't help but remember how crappy senior year was for me--and how it all accumulated to a climax of nothingness at the end of the year. The memories I have of the end of my senior year were all ... bad. All I remember were the negatives--not getting into the college I wanted to go to, not being able to go to senior awards, no scholarships, no regalia at graduation, no awards at band banquet... the list goes on. I remember graduating and thinking Finally, I'm out of HS. I don't have to see El Dorado or anybody from high school anymore. I think it was last week when band had their final concert of the year, and I remember thinking how much I wanted to go, and nearly crying over the fact that I wasn't able to attend. What's changed within this year?
I think I've realized this year.. that there's more to life than band. I think that's the biggest insight that I've gained this year. I mean, of course, during marching season, it was nearly impossible to separate myself FROM band, but I think I put too much of my identity into band. Up until halfway through junior year, I remember thinking about nothing else but wanting to be section leader. When I finally got that thought out of my thick head, all I wanted to happen was be recognized for something--which didn't happen. I kept thinking--I sold my soul for 4 years, graduating as the only senior in the flute section, and what's happened?? NOTHING.
I think I've been given a breath of fresh air this year. I've developed more friendships by going out to lunch with people, and hanging out after classes. I've stayed active with music, but I haven't let music rule over my life. I feel more confident.... Being one of the youngest members in orchestra made me realize that I'm pretty capable on flute. I was never first "chair" flute player in flute choir, but I knew who I was better than.... I can't say that I have the perfect GPA (*gasp, even at community college!*), can't say that I'm the most sociable person in the world, but you know what? That's okay... As long as I don't let ONE AREA of my life consume the rest of me, I know I'll still be successful.
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| | Posted 6/5/2009 12:26 AM - 7 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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